SO true....there has been so much going on in the last month that I don't even know where to begin? The month of August was great! I got to spend lots of time with the kids and my family. We spent many days and nights swimming and really enjoying the Summer weather, before school started. I get so much joy out of watching the kids play and swim in the pool, I literally could just sit and watch them all day long. The end of August brought some changes...I decided that it was the right time to move out of the house and in with my parents. This was a hard decision, but I have always put the kids first, and realized that the transition would be easier before school started. So, we packed up everything that we wanted to have there, and moved it! What a crazy weekend that was!
It's been about 3 weeks since the move and I have to say that we all could not be happier right now. The company, the extra help with the daily routine, and food have been a blessing to me. And when I say food, I mean holy hell, the food my Mom makes on a dialy basis is insane. I will prob gain like 20 pounds living there, but I'm trying to keep that in mind.
Another perk of living with them, is that I finally get one night off during the week! On wednesday's I have started a yoga class in the evening and so far its great. I never had the opputunity to do this before, when I was on my own. I still needed to be there to care for them after school unitl my Ex came after work to ppick them up, and then had to be there when he brought them home for the night. Now I really feel like I am getting my one night off!
I have also been doing a lot of recolecting lately. I think about where I was this time last year, and I remember the pain, anger, and sadness I felt on a daily basis. It's almost like I was in some sort of depression, and looking back, I'm sure that's what it was. Today, I can't believe how I've changed, how much better I feel, how much happier I am, with my self, and where I'm at. I still have some tough times ahead, with the finalizing of the divorce, and selling the house for good, but when I think of how far I've come, I cannot help but be proud of myself.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The tides they are a changing...
Things have been different lately. I'm not even sure how to articulate how I have been feeling these past few weeks. I feel good, nervous, excited, scared, etc. It's amazing how experiences in life can send us spinning into a cluster of feelings.
I generally feel better lately. And when I say feel better, I mean in every way. I feel better about myself, more confident, happier, and loved by the people that matter the most. I have come to realize that the bad things I have been through in the past two years has led me to where I am now. As much as it was hard, and at times, could not imagine living on my own, without that other person to counter balance my world. The thing is, I'm better off without him. I know that now. I am actually a better person, a better Mom, and a better friend without him. That says a lot I think about how our relationship was just not a good one.
I can picture a future now, just me and the kids, and I am at peace with that, and to be honest a little excited about the possibilities life can present.
I generally feel better lately. And when I say feel better, I mean in every way. I feel better about myself, more confident, happier, and loved by the people that matter the most. I have come to realize that the bad things I have been through in the past two years has led me to where I am now. As much as it was hard, and at times, could not imagine living on my own, without that other person to counter balance my world. The thing is, I'm better off without him. I know that now. I am actually a better person, a better Mom, and a better friend without him. That says a lot I think about how our relationship was just not a good one.
I can picture a future now, just me and the kids, and I am at peace with that, and to be honest a little excited about the possibilities life can present.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Words to live by
So I've added this quote to my blog, because it moves me:
"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
--Ida Scott Taylor
This is going to be my mantra from now on. I am going to try and let go of the grief and pain I feel from the past year and half, and live in the present. Every day I will try hard to live like its my last, and love my kids with with every ounce of me, and make sure they know it!
These words really make me think about life and how I want to live mine. Free from pain, hurt and anger, and all the negative thoughts that come along. I know I have it in me to be a better person, and not let these feelings take control. I will not, I will not let them.
This past weekend as I was driving home from spending an awesome weekend with my sister, I started remembering where I was last year at this time, how awful I felt all the time, how sad i felt 24 hrs a day, and then it hit me like a flash of lightning! This summer is already so much better than last summer. It's like I could suddenly see the light at the end of tunnel, and all the progress I've made. I know I'm not there yet, and may be I will never be, and that's ok, but the thought that I was in a much better place than I was last year at this time is something to celebrate! I have had so much more fun these last few months, and have felt so much better physically and emotionally than I did last year, that I know I'm headed in the right direction. Baby steps, it just takes baby steps, and celebrate the accomplishments you make with each step.
I am starting to feel better, I'm starting to get some of my confidence and self esteem back and I know its because I have the best family anyone could ask for holding me up, making sure I don't fall, and loving me unconditionally. Without these people, I would not have made it this far. Here's to hoping next year is even better than this one!!!!
Cheers!
"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
--Ida Scott Taylor
This is going to be my mantra from now on. I am going to try and let go of the grief and pain I feel from the past year and half, and live in the present. Every day I will try hard to live like its my last, and love my kids with with every ounce of me, and make sure they know it!
These words really make me think about life and how I want to live mine. Free from pain, hurt and anger, and all the negative thoughts that come along. I know I have it in me to be a better person, and not let these feelings take control. I will not, I will not let them.
This past weekend as I was driving home from spending an awesome weekend with my sister, I started remembering where I was last year at this time, how awful I felt all the time, how sad i felt 24 hrs a day, and then it hit me like a flash of lightning! This summer is already so much better than last summer. It's like I could suddenly see the light at the end of tunnel, and all the progress I've made. I know I'm not there yet, and may be I will never be, and that's ok, but the thought that I was in a much better place than I was last year at this time is something to celebrate! I have had so much more fun these last few months, and have felt so much better physically and emotionally than I did last year, that I know I'm headed in the right direction. Baby steps, it just takes baby steps, and celebrate the accomplishments you make with each step.
I am starting to feel better, I'm starting to get some of my confidence and self esteem back and I know its because I have the best family anyone could ask for holding me up, making sure I don't fall, and loving me unconditionally. Without these people, I would not have made it this far. Here's to hoping next year is even better than this one!!!!
Cheers!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
What if?
This morning on my way to work I started thinking, what if things had turned out differently? What if I had the courage to stand up for myself earlier on when things started to go down hill in my marriage? Would I be happy? Would I still end up alone?
These are the things that occupy my brain when I have time to think without distractions. The "what ifs" can consume me at times, and its hard to stop the thoughts from flooding my brain. I know that I am on my way to being a better person, a happier person, but there will always be the what ifs. Its hard to dismiss them. I know that things happen for a reason, and I am finally starting to realize that I am much better off by myself. I know this is true, but its hard to remember some days.
I still struggle with feeling lonely and having someone to chat with about all the little things. This may get easier too? I can only hope.
What if this was all meant to happen, to get to a better place? I know I deserve more than how I've been treated for the past 2 years, and I look forward to living it all out one day at a time =)
These are the things that occupy my brain when I have time to think without distractions. The "what ifs" can consume me at times, and its hard to stop the thoughts from flooding my brain. I know that I am on my way to being a better person, a happier person, but there will always be the what ifs. Its hard to dismiss them. I know that things happen for a reason, and I am finally starting to realize that I am much better off by myself. I know this is true, but its hard to remember some days.
I still struggle with feeling lonely and having someone to chat with about all the little things. This may get easier too? I can only hope.
What if this was all meant to happen, to get to a better place? I know I deserve more than how I've been treated for the past 2 years, and I look forward to living it all out one day at a time =)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Tossing the Dress
So, yesterday I cleaned out what was left from the pre-move garage sale, including my wedding dress. A few months ago, when I was still feeling raw from the separation, I would look at it and cry. I would be engulfed in the emotions of that day, and the way the dress made me feel. I felt beautiful, happy, and completely and totally in love, and hopeful for what the future would bring us. Now, not so much. I have come a long way in the past few months, and the emotions that were tied to the dress are not so strong. I'm dealing with the loss of everything that I wished for on that day. When I carried the dress up from the basement yesterday to bring to the donation center, I didn't cry, I didn't even feel sad. Honestly I was surprised at the progress I have made. It's a small step, to not completely break down when you see or think about things that once help so much meaning to you. It just proves that I am "getting through" and moving on to bigger better things in my life. And. hopefully better company.
The house goes on the market any day, so I guess its on to the next big challenge!
I am woman, and I am strong!
haha, I guess that's my motto today...peace.
The house goes on the market any day, so I guess its on to the next big challenge!
I am woman, and I am strong!
haha, I guess that's my motto today...peace.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Disappointment
Ugh...how do you deal with constant disappointment? I don't know the answer to this but could sure use one? Lately I am constantly disappointed in people and their lack of respect for other people's feelings or their responsibilities. I have also been dealing with the anger and frustration of realizing that some people just aren't cutting it. May be my standards are too high? You'd think that after knowling some one for more than 10 years, you'd have an idea of who they are or what they are capable of, but that just isn't reality. In reality, some people are weak, they are easily influenced by others and in return make bad choices. I hate that.
I do not know everything or think that I am perfect, but I do have a backbone, and can honestly say that I know what my priorities are! I wish I could say that about others. Sorry for the rant, I've just had enough this week and could really use a break from life.
In other news, the kids leave for a week long vacation with their Dad today, and I'm having a hard time. I've never been away from them for more than a few days. This is going to suck, like totally suck! My plan is to stay busy doing things and hanging out with friends as much as possible until they get home. I've learned in the past year that staying busy and keeping myself distracted with activities helps me cope with difficult situations, so that is what I plan to do! God, I hope it works!
I do not know everything or think that I am perfect, but I do have a backbone, and can honestly say that I know what my priorities are! I wish I could say that about others. Sorry for the rant, I've just had enough this week and could really use a break from life.
In other news, the kids leave for a week long vacation with their Dad today, and I'm having a hard time. I've never been away from them for more than a few days. This is going to suck, like totally suck! My plan is to stay busy doing things and hanging out with friends as much as possible until they get home. I've learned in the past year that staying busy and keeping myself distracted with activities helps me cope with difficult situations, so that is what I plan to do! God, I hope it works!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Lemon Shrimp and Pasta
I whipped up something the other night and fell in love with the results! Its sooo good and EASY that I just had to share!
If you love lemon and spicy, then you will love this! I really didn't measure anything, so I will do my best to give estimates!
Lemon Shrimp and Pasta
1/2 pound of shrimp
1/2 pound of pasta (I like spaghetti, or linguine, but really anything will work!)
1 lemon (zest it until you have about 1 tsp)
1 cup of chicken stock or broth(whatever you have)
1/2 cup of white wine (although I always add more =)
2 tsp of minced garlic
Dried Basil
Dried Parsley
Crushed red pepper
1tbsp of olive oil
1/4 cup butter (less if you care so much)
Boil the pasta. Add the olive oil to a saute pan, and heat on medium.
Add the garlic and cook for about 1 min. then add the broth, wine, lemon zest, juice from the lemon.
The add a couple dashes of the parsley and basil, and as much red pepper as you want (the more you add the spicier it is!). Add salt and pepper to taste and bring it to a boil, then turn down to simmer while the pasta cooks.
When there is about a minute left for the pasta, add your shrimp and butter to the sauce and cook for 2-3 minutes, until the shrimp is done.
Drain the pasta and toss with the shrimp sauce and enjoy!
A couple of things to note about this recipe, is that you could swap the shrimp for chicken, you will just need to add the chicken way before to allow it to cook the whole way. You could also add some broccoli or asparagus! I love this sauce, and could probably put it on anything!
If you love lemon and spicy, then you will love this! I really didn't measure anything, so I will do my best to give estimates!
Lemon Shrimp and Pasta
1/2 pound of shrimp
1/2 pound of pasta (I like spaghetti, or linguine, but really anything will work!)
1 lemon (zest it until you have about 1 tsp)
1 cup of chicken stock or broth(whatever you have)
1/2 cup of white wine (although I always add more =)
2 tsp of minced garlic
Dried Basil
Dried Parsley
Crushed red pepper
1tbsp of olive oil
1/4 cup butter (less if you care so much)
Boil the pasta. Add the olive oil to a saute pan, and heat on medium.
Add the garlic and cook for about 1 min. then add the broth, wine, lemon zest, juice from the lemon.
The add a couple dashes of the parsley and basil, and as much red pepper as you want (the more you add the spicier it is!). Add salt and pepper to taste and bring it to a boil, then turn down to simmer while the pasta cooks.
When there is about a minute left for the pasta, add your shrimp and butter to the sauce and cook for 2-3 minutes, until the shrimp is done.
Drain the pasta and toss with the shrimp sauce and enjoy!
A couple of things to note about this recipe, is that you could swap the shrimp for chicken, you will just need to add the chicken way before to allow it to cook the whole way. You could also add some broccoli or asparagus! I love this sauce, and could probably put it on anything!
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