Words to live by

So I've added this quote to my blog, because it moves me:

"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

--Ida Scott Taylor

This is going to be my mantra from now on. I am going to try and let go of the grief and pain I feel from the past year and half, and live in the present. Every day I will try hard to live like its my last, and love my kids with with every ounce of me, and make sure they know it!

These words really make me think about life and how I want to live mine. Free from pain, hurt and anger, and all the negative thoughts that come along. I know I have it in me to be a better person, and not let these feelings take control. I will not, I will not let them.

This past weekend as I was driving home from spending an awesome weekend with my sister, I started remembering where I was last year at this time, how awful I felt all the time, how sad i felt 24 hrs a day, and then it hit me like a flash of lightning! This summer is already so much better than last summer. It's like I could suddenly see the light at the end of tunnel, and all the progress I've made. I know I'm not there yet, and may be I will never be, and that's ok, but the thought that I was in a much better place than I was last year at this time is something to celebrate! I have had so much more fun these last few months, and have felt so much better physically and emotionally than I did last year, that I know I'm headed in the right direction. Baby steps, it just takes baby steps, and celebrate the accomplishments you make with each step.

I am starting to feel better, I'm starting to get some of my confidence and self esteem back and I know its because I have the best family anyone could ask for holding me up, making sure I don't fall, and loving me unconditionally. Without these people, I would not have made it this far. Here's to hoping next year is even better than this one!!!!

Cheers!

What if?

This morning on my way to work I started thinking, what if things had turned out differently? What if I had the courage to stand up for myself earlier on when things started to go down hill in my marriage? Would I be happy? Would I still end up alone?

These are the things that occupy my brain when I have time to think without distractions. The "what ifs" can consume me at times, and its hard to stop the thoughts from flooding my brain. I know that I am on my way to being a better person, a happier person, but there will always be the what ifs. Its hard to dismiss them. I know that things happen for a reason, and I am finally starting to realize that I am much better off by myself. I know this is true, but its hard to remember some days.

I still struggle with feeling lonely and having someone to chat with about all the little things. This may get easier too? I can only hope.

What if this was all meant to happen, to get to a better place? I know I deserve more than how I've been treated for the past 2 years, and I look forward to living it all out one day at a time =)

Tossing the Dress

So, yesterday I cleaned out what was left from the pre-move garage sale, including my wedding dress. A few months ago, when I was still feeling raw from the separation, I would look at it and cry. I would be engulfed in the emotions of that day, and the way the dress made me feel. I felt beautiful, happy, and completely and totally in love, and hopeful for what the future would bring us. Now, not so much. I have come a long way in the past few months, and the emotions that were tied to the dress are not so strong. I'm dealing with the loss of everything that I wished for on that day. When I carried the dress up from the basement yesterday to bring to the donation center, I didn't cry, I didn't even feel sad. Honestly I was surprised at the progress I have made. It's a small step, to not completely break down when you see or think about things that once help so much meaning to you. It just proves that I am "getting through" and moving on to bigger better things in my life. And. hopefully better company.

The house goes on the market any day, so I guess its on to the next big challenge!

I am woman, and I am strong!
haha, I guess that's my motto today...peace.

Disappointment

Ugh...how do you deal with constant disappointment? I don't know the answer to this but could sure use one? Lately I am constantly disappointed in people and their lack of respect for other people's feelings or their responsibilities. I have also been dealing with the anger and frustration of realizing that some people just aren't cutting it. May be my standards are too high? You'd think that after knowling some one for more than 10 years, you'd have an idea of who they are or what they are capable of, but that just isn't reality. In reality, some people are weak, they are easily influenced by others and in return make bad choices. I hate that.

I do not know everything or think that I am perfect, but I do have a backbone, and can honestly say that I know what my priorities are! I wish I could say that about others. Sorry for the rant, I've just had enough this week and could really use a break from life.

In other news, the kids leave for a week long vacation with their Dad today, and I'm having a hard time. I've never been away from them for more than a few days. This is going to suck, like totally suck! My plan is to stay busy doing things and hanging out with friends as much as possible until they get home. I've learned in the past year that staying busy and keeping myself distracted with activities helps me cope with difficult situations, so that is what I plan to do! God, I hope it works!