So...the tough process has officially started. We are trying to get the house ready to put on the market. I didn't think it would be this hard. The lasy week or so, I have been slowly going through all the bins in the basement, and sorting into piles. One Trash, one for me, and one for him, and it sucks. It's amazing to me how intertwined my life had become with another person. I guess that is what happens when you meet someone at such a young age and start building a life together.
It's been an emotional roller coaster. There are momentos I have come across that remind me of when I was kid, and they make me feel good, but most make me feel bad. I had to go through the "wedding" bins, and toss out all the thoughful cards we recieved, responses, and planning materials. I remember when I packed them away 8 years ago, I felt so good and hopeful for the future, and thought that some day when we were old, it might be fun to look back at this stuff and enjoy the memories together. This makes me sad. I feel like I never really got the chance I should have to make things right, to make things work, and I hate that.
I feel as if I'm officially throwing my old life into the garbage...and it hurts. My only hope is that by going through this horrible process, I can only be stronger when its over. I fear that I will never be able to let go and move on, I also fear that I will no be able to do this again, ever. May be with time the pain will subside and I will forget? May be its like child birth, as time passes, you forget the pain and want to do it again to get the big prize?
I don't know....I just know that right now I feel frustrated, angry, and sad.
-peace
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